Selfies and Self Worth: The More Pictures You Take, the Worse You Feel

Image courtesy of patrisyu at

Ever wonder why you end up feeling less confident after each “selfie” you take? Selfies are less about what you think about yourself and more about what you want others to think about you. We can take as many selfies as we want, and we can validate our outer shell with “likes,” but we can’t change feelings of inadequacy unless we start to take ownership of our uniqueness.

Ownership is basically a two-part process, inside and out:

  1. Ownership of the outside, the physical traits that we cannot hide.
  2. Dare to step into YOU (the inside), which can only be accomplished once ownership of the outside is in place.

As human beings we seem to need constant validation instead of having confidence in who we are. It seems for most of us too scary to be unique. We want to belong in our family or with our friends or even our partner.

The selfie phenomenon is likely here to stay so we need to determine:

  1. What is real and what is me? The “selfie” that we so carefully stage is not the real me. The real “me” has gotten lost, as it conformed to the peer pressure to fit in.
  2. How to break free from the invisible constraints of the social world and dare to step into you:
    1. If you’ve seen these changes in your child, either rapidly or over time, open the dialogue.
    2. No child wants to be special they want to fit in. Teach them that ownership of one’s uniqueness will make them fit in. For example: when your child says; “mom, they call me fat.” The response is usually; “no dear you are not at all.” Instead, say: “what do you think?” Let them find the answer and be patient. Help them to understand that they don’t have to fit any mold, rather should take ownership of their uniqueness.
    3. Teach them that it is more than “OK” not to belong. It will boost their confidence greatly.

Gabriella van RijInsights from Gabriella van Rij,  Activist for Kindness, Author & Speaker.

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